I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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