sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
