Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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