I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
