Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
