i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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