your thong is hanging out like whoa
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
