Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize