he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
