She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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