i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
