he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize