It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
