i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
