I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
