bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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