I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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