let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
