I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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