When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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