I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
