I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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