never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
