I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
