What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We were destined to go to rehab together
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
