my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize