I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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