I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
