go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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