the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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