So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
my liver is dry heaving
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
