I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
