i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
