Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
