Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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