I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
