Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
