If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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