How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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