I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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