dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
