dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
