my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Randomize
