I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
