Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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