You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
