I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
