Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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