fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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