I murdered the dance floor call the cops
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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