i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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