It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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