Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
