If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
