he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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