So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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