God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
