I puked a lego.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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