I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
