he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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