Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
