that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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